No Name Thoughts

Life Of A Frugal College Student

2011-08-03T20:06:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted in months.
Things slow down in the summer, I take time to appreciate things..smell the roses.. HAH. Yeah right.

Basically it's been a mixture of life, work, and lack of internet at my new apartment. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining about being busy but some days I wonder how time flies so fast. This summer has been very non existent, not filled with the crazy amounts of partying that previous summer's have which is mostly due to the fact that we're all growing up and that is okay. But I do miss lazy beach days, late nights filled with shenanigans, and the millions of pictures that I used to take.

A fourty hour work week consumes every week and when I have a spare minute I find myself driving the 150 miles to visit with my Dad who opted to move up North for a relaxing "northwoods life." And I really have no complaints getting to spend a few days relaxing in the beautiful splendor that is Northern Wisconsin...true 'up North'.

So aside from working and travelling, I've been spending a lot of my time thinking of ways to be frugal (because let's face it...it is a good thing to be frugal in times like this) and expanding my cooking horizons. My hopes for this blog in the upcoming months is to post about ways to save, good things I cook, and the overall happenings of my final year of college.

I hope to grow, learn, and experience and I hope that whomever is reading this can learn a little, appreciate a little, and just overall enjoy what I'm throwing up here. Because after all, I don't expect to have a million readers, I just really like the fact of having space to throw my thoughts out into an expanse.

Love and well-being,
Amy

This weather

2011-04-08T01:22:00.002-05:00

For a moment tonight, things were very reminiscent.
I miss you, in a way.

2011-01-29T14:15:00.000-06:00

For you, you heartless bastard. My anthem for every shitty moment you put me through and for all the strength I need to go through the day. Better than you, since day one and will always be.

2011-01-20T18:51:00.000-06:00

Silence has engulfed my home leaving me with too much thinking time. Earlier tonight in a conversation with my sister I said, "I don't think I can do another funeral this year." The sad reality is that isn't a joke. I really can't. With my dad in the hospital for the last few days, and him sending me on errands to get his affairs in order I really can't help but think the most negative of negative thoughts. Right now, I just want to curl up, close my teary eyes, and re open them to when things were better and my dad was healthier. Everything is so stressful and I'm constantly worrying. You know, and I wonder to myself constantly; why me? Why my family? Why can't God/fate/life/whatever just cut the shit for a while and let things be okay for a second.

You know, and all I really need is a hug. I need a voice to tell me everything is going to be alright. I need someone to be next to me, and hold my hand when I start to lose it. I need someone to sit next to me on the couch to play video games with, and let me win because they know it will make me feel better. Mostly though, I just need a hug from someone that means it.

I just can't lose anyone else this year.

New Year's Can Suck It

2011-01-18T13:42:00.000-06:00

Dear 2011,

Please stop sucking, you're really starting to kill my cheery optimism. The week before you came, I was in the emergency room with my father, and four days later lost my uncle. Now, only 18 days in, you have screwed my family financially, emotionally, and physically. As I sit here today, trying to remain un-stressed because my stress is literally killing me and my blood pressure has sky rocketed putting me at high risk for a stroke, I'm wondering if you have gone into cahoots with misfortune because my father is once again in the hospital. I don't want to sound selfish but knock it off. I don't want to have a stroke, and I don't want anyone else in my family dying or ending up seriously injured.

I've always been a cheery optimistic person, ever since my spur of bad years two years ago. I've thought that I could make it through anything you years have put me through, but seriously cut the shit. You're going to turn me into a crickety, stroke-ridden 23 year old. So here's a thought, lay off the negativity and let things get better.

Thank you for taking this into consideration,

Amy

My Brain Hurts.

2011-01-14T13:30:00.000-06:00

A little over a month without a post. Four weeks and life has been less than perfect, but I try and keep my head above the waterline just to push on through another long day. Sometimes, I feel like I just need a vacation, an escape, something. I don’t know. My mind is frazzled these days….so much has happened in four weeks.

So December 8^th, 2010 was my last post. Bubbly and nerdy, showcasing my nerdy side and ability to draw comparisons between poorly made movies and video games. I probably stopped writing because of finals. I’m in my Junior year of college and you would think by now I would have acquired some sort of organizational skills and a sense of time. Not this girl. With two weeks left of semester I had three 10 page papers, 3 finals to study for, and class to still attend. I still found it important to stay up until 4 am every day putzing around on the internet or staring blankly at a wall pondering life. I took a break from school roughly two years ago and in that time I began to photograph things. My blank wall staring moments are the times I weigh the pros and cons of staying in school and letting my creative outlets suffer. Sigh. One more year and I’ll be done, accomplished, graduated. Anyway, the semester ended alright, good (not great) grades, but enough to keep me in my major and enough to keep me optimistic about the upcoming Spring semester. I always do better in the Spring anyway, something to do with the sunlight and constant allergies I think.

Continuing on…Christmas was great. Few family arguments about pointless stuff like who is going to help do the dishes and why one person needs four pillows to lay on the floor. Despite probably one of the worst hangovers I’ve ever had, my family holiday was enjoyable. My three old nephew never ceases to amaze me in all his ways of joy and happiness. My extended family holiday was probably taken for granted by myself. I enjoyed the time spent there, but left too quickly and probably should’ve taken at least one last picture.

Four days after Christmas, my phone rang waking me from a deep sleep. Groggy, I answered the phone. Crying from the other end. My father informed me that my uncle died the night before (hence the feeling of taking the holiday for granted). I just remember saying, “what?” over and over. I didn’t believe it, I didn’t want to believe it. I hung up the phone and crumbled. And I haven’t been able to pick up the pieces yet. As we gathered at my other uncle’s house to form a game plan, I still didn’t want to believe it. Even when we arrived at my late uncles house in Gile, WI I still expected to see him in his chair watching television, eating a bowl of popcorn. The whole weekend had a feeling of fuzz, just moving through the motions. Thank you here and there, for the people that stopped to share sympathies. Every single thing has just felt like a motion, a repetitive programmed movement by myself. I never thought, in a million years something would affect me like this, this way. I miss my uncle so incredibly much and I think back to our last conversation in mid-December about how he was so proud of me and the shared stories about his younger years. It’s things like that a person seriously takes for granted, because as cliché as it sounds, you never know when you’re going to lose someone close to you.

And, I’ve been incredibly sad. I mean, everyone mourns in different ways and I understand that, I just wish mine wasn’t filled with random bouts of crying. Oh well. So much for 2011 already, so many thoughts. My brain is a buzz, and I’m doing my best to get it out so it doesn’t get the best of me. Sigh. Rest in peace Uncle T.O.

2010-12-08T05:06:00.001-06:00

Here's something I noticed earlier tonight

The movie Dragon Hunters is basically Super Mario Galaxy 2 and Lost Winds mixed together. And that sentence pretty much just summed up how nerdy I am. I had a more drawn out explanation of how I came to this conclusion, but I feel that this is a pretty much better explanation because chances are, I doubt anyone knows what those three things are collectively. I would say most know what Super Mario Galaxy 2 is, but the other two listed I would say aren't as well known.

Yep. Me. Nerd.

Photoshoots and tomato soup

2010-12-03T19:54:00.000-06:00

Today was my first photoshoot in a long time. I almost forgot how crazy things to go sometimes. I found myself in a freezing unfinished basement, with insulation falling everywhere, and taking pictures of blood covered people. It turned out pretty cool and I realized how much I miss it.

Thankfully I was able to fit that into my day because now I'm sitting at my job, bored, and I just burned my mouth on tomato soup. I do like my new job a lot. It's pretty easy going, and this being my first night by myself I feel like I'm going to be okay with working here. Yay for that. haha.

Thanskgiving leftovers and Christmas miracles

2010-11-29T18:00:00.000-06:00

I am full. Every year, I tell myself I am not going to pig out like the year before. I will eat within reason. Yeah, right. It never happens. I don't think there has been one moment since Thursday afternoon where I've actually been hungry. From apples to zucchini I've ate it all. So full.

I had a great holiday weekend. Even with money being tight I was still able to enjoy all aspects of my holiday traditions (i.e. : drinking and eating). The weekend was full of best friends, family, good eats, and tasty alcoholic beverages. I was able to see people I haven't seen in a long time and make a few new friends, which is always something I'm thankful for. Even when everything seems bleak, there is always a ray of sunshine to make everything cheery.

I really hope that I can hold on to this holiday cheer. Usually by mid-December I'm ready for the snow to melt and the temperature to be above zero, but I'll try my best to stay smiling. I doubt it will be very hard with the amazing family and friends I have. :) I truly love everyone right now.

Today was pretty awesome. I've had a month of no income, hence the money issues (see above) and today I got my first unemployment check. I will also be getting paid at my new job this week so hopefully I can get caught up some bills..finally. I remember when I used to think I could live off of nothing, but in reality it's hard.

Oh, and today I received the best package ever from my Mom who lives in Arizona. When I was a kid, living with her in Florida, we came across these hand blown glass balls. My mom and I used to bead a lot together, an activity that we never screamed or fought while doing. We used to sit for hours, watching cheesy Lifetime movies, beading strings to hang these glass balls from. Years later, my mom is now in Arizona, living in the mountains running an antique store and bar/grill. She found a supplier for these balls out there and sent me three in the mail. I cannot wait to sit down and create something beautiful out these things. Here's some photos, enjoy.

Life is good.

Cleaning.

2010-11-27T16:47:00.002-06:00

I have too much stuff.

End.of.story.

(un)Lucky

2010-11-23T22:33:00.000-06:00

Today was a day full of lucky and unlucky events. I'm trying to sell my car and for the duration that I've owned it I have really had no problems with it. Wouldn't you know though, that 30 minutes before I'm supposed to have someone to come over and look at it, something goes wrong. The door latches on it locked up and I can't close either of my doors. First it was just my passenger side, but then I was looking at the driver's side seeing what the set up was like and I flipped something that caused that side to lock up too. Tonight's weather forecast, low of 12 with a possibility of freezing rain. Haha, just my luck.

On the upside of things, I finished one of my three 10 page papers, and I snagged a second job for the holiday season. It also just so happens that it's a paying photo gig (woo hoo!). I will be doing this years Santa photos downtown. So, if any readers are from the Stevens Point area, come on down and get your photo taken with Santa...by yours truly. lol

"Rainy days and Mondays always get me down"

2010-11-22T12:59:00.000-06:00

I'm faced with a fork in the road situation. Lately, I've been putting off photography. You can probably tell because of the lack of photo posts, and even when I'm posting a photo it's an older one. Nothing new. My life is consumed by school and writing term papers. I've been looking at photography websites, new cameras, and I swear Amazon will be the death of my bank account. I am looking into the future with my next semester class schedule and I fear that I'm going to postpone more photo opportunities. I feel like I'm going to have to make a choice soon or figure out an awesome balancing schedule for the both. I can't motivate myself in my schoolwork because I have no creative outlet so I just end up sitting watching television series on Netflix. It's a losing battle. I hope I can find a balance soon.

One more thing. I had posted about having weird dreams a few posts back. How I would wake up and still see images of my dreams in my bedroom. I did some research last night because it keeps happening and I think I have a condition called Sleep Paralysis. It's something like where you sleep, you can regain a sense of reality and images project from your dreams, but you can't move or do anything about it. So how I feel like I'm laying in bed, eyes open, and seeing piles of dead deer in my room (that was a weird dream), but unable to move for like the first 2 minutes or so would be considered sleep paralysis....I think. I'll have to make a doctor's appointment. They'll probably think I'm crazy, because of the dream situations I'll have to explain.

Anyway, I'm off to hide myself in the school library for a few hours before my next class...I can't wait for Thanksgiving break to start so I have a little free time on my hands.

2010-11-22T03:39:00.000-06:00

Missing this feeling

Saturday shifts, never been happier.

2010-11-20T11:22:00.000-06:00

Work on a Saturday and I'm excited. I guess there is two reasons, one is the more obvious, because I have a job and the second is because it's not an overnight job!! It's been really nice knowing that I'll never have to work past 10:30pm at this place and I'm pretty excited that it's not food service. The only jobs I've ever done are food service jobs, since I was 16 (and I'm now 23). I'm optimistic that my efforts to "shake things up" will pay off and I will enjoy this job fully. I've been at this place for about a week now and it's really awesome. I love everything about it, including the people I work with. It's turning out to be a pretty cool place to work at. All in all, it's a pretty optimistic situation :)

2010-11-16T23:43:00.000-06:00

I wish someone could tell me why you won't leave me alone.

I wish someone could tell me why I am so important to you.

I wish someone could tell me why you need my acceptance of an apology.

I wish someone could tell me why you're willing to break the law to contact me.

Why me?

Why?

One of my favorite places, ever.

2010-11-15T02:00:00.000-06:00

Something interesting I wanted to share. The photo on the right was taken several years ago by me. This is in the U.P of Michigan and became one of my most favorite photos. It was also one of the reasons I began to push myself further in photography. Now, the photo on the right was taken this Fall of the same road. Years later, I still found myself getting the same feeling when I took that turn and found myself standing, and looking down the same road that I stood on years ago with my first camera. I love taking pictures. <3

Passing the time

2010-11-10T13:12:00.000-06:00

So I lost my job almost 2 weeks ago. I didn't quit, and I wasn't fired. I guess, after the 2 and 1/2 conversation I had with my boss, we came to an (un)mutual decision that I would no longer be working there. After a year and half of straight overnights, calling in sick once, giving 3 months notice for any day needed off, coming in early, staying late, doing bakery when a baker was not scheduled, learning to cook, dealing with drunken and drug addicted co-workers, and all while having a smile on my face and creating a fun environment for my customers who eventually became regulars.

It sucks. I put a lot of effort into that job. I always put 150% into any job I've ever had.

Anyway, the point of this blog is just simply to say : Finding a job, when you need one most, is the hardest thing ever. :/ I'm running out of money and falling deeper into hopelessness.

Purge

2010-10-30T13:16:00.000-05:00

Apologizing ahead of time...

I wonder what it feels like to be a worthless piece of shit, that had to run away from a town and even a state to run away from responsibility and reality. You are the biggest piece of shit I've ever known. Completely worthless, and yet you somehow manage to shit talk every single person that ever did everything for you. The people that put a roof over your head (multiple times), the people that fed you, clothed you, gave you money, remained positive you could turn your shitty disposition around. You're a fuck. A fucking pathetic fuck. The thought of you, and what you've done to everyone still angers me...daily. You are the biggest waste of time this town and its people have ever seen and put effort into.

Disappear.
I wish January would've engulfed you.

Business Card Ideas

2010-10-08T00:58:00.000-05:00

With the recent obtaining of my very first press pass for a very ridiculously huge concert, I've decided to (the day before this concert) quickly design some business cards so I have something with all of my info on it readily available. Opinions?

Keep in mind these have basically been created in 30 minutes. I just want something that shows my information, that I can pass out, and print about 30 cheaply. I'll definitely be making some "fancier" ones when time allows

Thanks! :)

Just a thought.

2010-09-24T00:40:00.000-05:00

I'm laying here in bed, waiting for sleep to come to me. Randomly decided to take pictures in the dark and it dawned on me that I am living out of boxes. It's been over a year since I've moved back and I'm still living out of boxes.

I don't know why. Maybe I should do something about that...

Equinox Haiku

2010-09-22T21:59:00.000-05:00

Hi first day of Fall.

You greeted me with some rain.

Wash the pain away.

Here's to hoping with Fall comes a greater sense of peace and less upset.

Stress

2010-09-08T21:36:00.000-05:00

Excuse me while I get a little lame...

Even though I say I don't have time for anything like this, it would feel nice to be wanted. To be hugged. Someone to ease the stress and tell me everything will turn out alright.

I hate that the idea of that someone is specific.

To be wanted by you, how nice. What a disheartening thought, it will never happen.

Weird dreams

2010-09-08T12:26:00.000-05:00

I've been having the weirdest dreams lately. Last night probably topped the recent slew of them though. When I wake up, part of my dreams seem to appear in my bedroom. Like, I'll see something perched on my dresser, an image on the floor, by my door, any place really. It's usually nothing bad, and I don't feel weird or scared about it, aside from the fact that I consciously know that I'm awake and seeing images from my dream.

This morning however, when I was opening my eyes I saw dead deer on my floor. A pile of them. That scared me. I can't really remember what I was dreaming about but, when I gathered myself I touched my face and I had a nose bleed. Weird, right? With all of the strange dream occurrences I haven't woken up with any nose bleeds with them. Strange.

Very very strange.

Graduated filters, and graduating knowledge.

2010-08-25T15:44:00.000-05:00

For almost a year I have had the entire Adobe CS4 on my computer. I've never really explored much farther than Photoshop and even in that I really don't know what's going on. I decided that I was going to start learning easy things, in different programs. Last night I learned how to use the 'camera raw' function in Bridge. I used the Graduated Filter in raw and made a pretty cool looking Holga-esque photo. Here is the before and after :

I definitely know it's not perfect and not right on the whole Holga feel, but it's pretty and it took like 30 minutes which is more than I can say for programs like Picnik (not that I have anything against Picnik). I feel more proud to say that I individually placed every shadow, added the blue and yellow toning, played with the saturation, contrast, and exposure...rather than a click and apply sort of deal.

Anyway, I'll be playing around with more stuff in Adobe and probably posting it on here to whomever my few, but wonderful readers are. Have a wonderful Wednesday!

Sunday fuzzy thoughts

2010-08-22T16:20:00.001-05:00

Today is a lazy Sunday. I love Pandora and lately I've been rocking the Kate Nash station. I love her voice and pretty much ever new song discovery is a win as a result of that station. This song came on and I love it. I hope one day that I can feel this way about someone.

This song is beautiful and real. Do you ever feel like a song was written with you in mind? That connection that is made that the artist took the words straight out of your mouth. This song. Yes.

Kate Nash - I Hate Seagulls (with Lyrics)

Well, hello there again.

2010-08-21T18:32:00.002-05:00

So, I'm back!

I decided after a few months of inactivity on this blog that I would come back and start writing again. When out there in the interwebs searching for a solid blog site, I have been picky. Perhaps too picky, but as with the photo uploading on here just not being up to par, the rest of Tumblr (and no offense to those who love it) was just plain dumb. The website lagged, the search capabilities often left me frustrated and unable to find people I was looking for. I loved the ease of uploading for photos, but there was no area for comments from viewers, and I love getting feedback. So here I am, standing with those puppy dog eyes asking you, Blogger and readers to take me back.

You will? Oh thank you, I will try my hardest to entertain and not disappoint.

So, where I have been? Both Tumblr and here have been empty for over a month. I've had quite the stressful summer and I found myself shut out to any sort of creative outlet. I was dealing with personal issues that are now, for the most part solved. I have found a way to get the negative out and with each passing day I find myself being more optimistic and the creative juices have started flowing again.

I renewed my interest in my current photo project of my 'Suicide Boys' photo shoot and everything with that is coming along quite amazingly. It is my first studio shoot and it's a slow process, mostly within the studio building part (I haven't found a permanent spot yet and my kitchen just isn't big enough anymore) but I think with the cooler months coming and the humidity wearing down I am going to clean my garage and build a better/more permanent set up.

I have also decided that I am going to start writing more. I used to write every day and now I'm lucky if I write once a week. My main problem is finding a way to get the words from my head to the paper. Basically I'm going to make myself write. Even if it sucks, I'm writing it down. This fall semester is my first semester with my first research writing paper class for my History major. I'm so nervous my stomach hurts when I think about it. So, with that nervous feeling I'm just going to write. I will face my fear head on and write everything down hopefully emerging a stronger, more confident writer.

I will be posting on here, and only here as often as I possibly can. I plan on having a mixture of photos, writings, and things I may stumble upon over the internet or daily life. I hope that you enjoy this journey just as much as I do. When it boils down to it, I'm not looking to get a million readers, I'm not even looking for 100. I'm just a no name girl getting her thoughts out into the world hoping that someone will read them.

Day 6 and 7 of 365

2010-06-26T16:44:00.000-05:00

Hello! I know it's taken me 3 days since I've been back to post my photos, but life always seems to go crazy when you least expect it. My father is in the hospital and I've been ill since I've been back from the good ol' up north. Vacation blues? Probably. So my friends, Jade, Cassy, and Cory made the trek with me up to my old hometown, my place of birth, where this amazing bundle of awesome (points to self) was created. We stayed in Gile, WI and played in the surrounding areas. I took them to Bessemer, MI for cliff diving and Bakers Falls, showed them where I was born in Ironwood, MI and then took the same route I always take to Lake Superior by going through Iron Belt, WI and showed them my childhood house. It's depressing to see what it looks like now; the current owners have really let the place go and when I have such a grand memory of my home, blue siding, white trim, a giant front porch with a picture window and a swing, the front yard full of giant trees and the swingset, everything green, and then the garden in the back where my dad grew just about everything you could imagine, I do get a little sad seeing it run down and not taken care of.

Anyway, after Iron Belt I took them to Upson Falls, and the Superior Falls. Fortunate for us, there had been a giant rain storm the day we were driving up so all waterfalls were at full force. It was truly nature-fantastic. We ended our last day playing at Saxon Harbor and drinking at the cabin. It's nice to have shared one of the things in my life that I hold so so so so close to my heart. Going up north is special for me. It's the closest thing I have to a childhood hometown, because I left when I was 5, the memories may not be vivid but they're still there and they still put a smile on my face.

Ok, so on Tuesday our first waterfall stop was Bakers Falls in Bessemer, MI. They were really fantastic and unfortunately the lightning wasn't too spectacular but I managed to get a few decent shots in. Here it is :

On Wednesday night, we got drunk and played with sparklers in the middle of the street. Why, you ask? Because in Gile, you can do just that without having to worry about getting hit by a car.

So there it is, a little short summary of one of the greatest places on earth. Love love love.

Vacation!!

2010-06-21T20:00:00.000-05:00

My 4 day vacation starts tonight and I will be in way north Wisconsin. No internet, no cell phone, no technology. I will be uploading my 365 pictures when I get home on Thursday night.

See you all later!

Day 6 of 365

2010-06-21T09:45:00.000-05:00

When googling ideas for my project 365, a lot of the explanations I came across also said to take self-portraits. I suppose it's a good idea. I spend a lot of my time awake at night, either working or sitting at home wishing I was working so I would be doing something. The life of an overnight shift worker is often boring. I sleep my day away, and sit at home twiddling my thumbs at night. However, this morning I was lying in bed snapping photos, playing with my camera settings.

I've been feeling happy lately. Probably because of my mini-vacation starting today. 4 days off, 3 spent up north. I can't wait.

Day 5 of 365

2010-06-20T16:22:00.000-05:00

Ok, ok, ok. I know it's technically day 6 but this is my picture for day 5. I've recently become very interested in Photoshop and what it has to offer. I just learned how to turn my pictures into text pictures. So I spent yesterday figuring it out and then I had to go to work. On any normal night I would've just posted my photo while at work, but last night was busy, short a cook, and other things that didn't allow me to get online. This is my first attempt and I know it's not great, but I do like the effect and I will continue to work on it and eventually dominattteeee!! Haha. I really have nothing else to say except I'm running off of 3 hours of sleep and I'm ready to nap before work again. So here; enjoy.

Day 4 of 365

2010-06-19T00:55:00.000-05:00

The Afterdark Coffeehouse closed its doors today. A place that I called home for 2 years is gone. The co-owner, Dawn shared a mutual love of zombies with myself and a few other patrons. I was pleasantly surprised today when I walked inside and saw that the menu had been zombified. I'll miss that place dearly.

Day 4 of 365

2010-06-18T05:09:00.000-05:00

Thursday night was one of the nicest nights this summer I have had thus far. I spent it at volleyball practice, and then hanging out with a solid group of friends. The day had been hot and humid, and as the sun set the weather began to cool off and we decided to hit the beach around 11pm. We grabbed a 30 pack and when we arrived to Lake Emily there was lightning in the distance.

After the lake we spent the rest of the night on the porch of our friend Kyle's house. I attempted to get lightning pictures the whole entire time. Out of the handful here is one of them :

Not the highest quality but definitely worth remembering. I often wonder where the lightning bolt hits. I remember as a child learning about the glass tubes made in the ground. I'd like to find one of those some day.

Day 3 of 365

2010-06-17T09:52:00.000-05:00

I find myself posting a day late on my day pictures. My excuse today; overnight work. I'm an overnight waitress, and I planned on posting while I was at work, but my assumed slow Wednesday night turned into dealing with angry drunks. Sigh.

Anyway, my picture for the 16th is my friend Jameson. We've recently started a game called "The Lying Down Game" and Jameson's response after making him climb and balance in less than normal places was a headstand. I think it's pretty epic. I think that this is what summer is about, spending the day with your friends just having fun. Life is turning around. I feel happy. Go summer!

Day 2 of 365

2010-06-16T02:36:00.000-05:00

So I know I'm technically 2 hours and 32 minutes late for my Day 2 photo but, I had to consume some delicious chicken crisps after my adventure with 2 lovely ladies which inspired this photo:

For a little over 2 years The Afterdark Coffeehouse has essentially been a 2nd home to me and the owners (Dawn and Sheldon) basically surrogate parents and some awesome friends of mine. They dealt with all of my craziness, always had kind words, awesome advice, delicious food, drinks, and just all around really made me feel....loved. I know that sounds sappy but this place was an anchor for me during a rough few years for me. They will be closing on Friday and moving on to better things that I cannot blame them for taken the opportunity to do. I've loved this place for so long.

Day 1 of 365

2010-06-14T16:20:00.000-05:00

I think I'm going to attempt a Project 365. One picture a day for an entire year. Something to spark the creativity in me again. Something to reflect back on, seems like a good idea. I only hope I can keep up with it.

So with that....

Ok, first posts are always bumpy. Especially because I've never done a photo upload with blogger before. Bear with me. Anyway, today is a massive cleaning day. While working around the living room I found my Coachella wristband hiding between two pillows. Oh the memories. And on this rainy day, I could use some desert sun and loud music.

breath. release.

2010-06-14T06:13:00.000-05:00

It's been a couple of rough weeks for me. My life kind of fell apart...in the same way a sweater unravels with the start of one string. I allowed myself to fall back into an old routine that I never wanted to be in again. As the string began to pull, and my life unraveled I realized I needed to stop.

I wanted to have a good summer. Summer has always been important, crucial months in my life. Time to recoup, relax, and focus on myself. Thankfully I realized that, and am making changes.

1. I will have a good summer. I will breath the fresh air (I will sneeze because of my allergies) and embrace everything I come into contact with.

2. I will be adventurous.

3. I will learn to love myself and only those that are deserving.

4. I will get out of this creativity funk.

5. I will work my butt off and save some money (for once in my life)

I feel refreshed. I will post more on here. I sense changes and for the first time in a long time they feel good.

Pre-Order Janelle Monae Tightrope ft. Big Boi [OFFICIAL VIDEO] PREORDER ...

2010-05-16T23:48:00.000-05:00

Stop, this beat is killing me.

2010-05-13T12:20:00.000-05:00

Time heals all. How much time? I thought a year and a half could heal the wounds. Apparently the cuts are deep. Apparently the cuts are still bleeding. Apparently I am bitter.

I'm a bitch, but I'm a bitch for a good reason.

All I ask is to be appreciated and not lied to. That's all I've ever wanted.

Apparently I'm asking too much

Hey, I think you're a tool!

2010-04-29T13:35:00.000-05:00

I feel sassy today. I almost feel like I could punch the next random person who comes my way. Sometimes I wonder if everyone is working against me. "There is a disturbance in the force" What the hell?

I don't know. Sometimes I feel that being nice to everyone is a lot harder than just going to hermit mode.

Grar rar rar rar (panda roar)

"I'm not as awesome as this song makes out"

2010-04-08T22:29:00.000-05:00

There is a pressure in my chest pushing down on my center. I feel like everything is crashing down. A momentary glitch in my excited, happy self. Every once in a while I lapse. I get so sad I could cry. I feel the urge to curl up in a ball and cry. Ugh. I truly dislike this. I feel alone, I feel unloved, I feel like I've made no real advancements since then.

I can't sleep good, but I'm sleeping all the time. I just wish I could feel rested.

If you can't be real, stay out of my life.

2010-04-02T18:31:00.000-05:00

This is my life, douchebag. For lack of better words; if you're going to be a tool, a douche, a liar, an abuser of any sorts, then stay out of my life. This is exactly what it is, my life. I've worked very hard to get to where I'm at and I'm content with the walls I've put up. They are afterall, to keep people like you out. I made the mistake of letting you in once before and I told you I wouldn't do it again. So I'm done. I'm done giving any benefit of the doubt. There is never any change that has occured or will take place.

I'm just done.

On a happier note, 12 days until Coachella. I'm going to start packing this weekend. Probably too soon, but it will put me in a good mood.

Countdown to Coachella

2010-03-30T01:41:00.000-05:00

Two weeks. Finally at 14 days. In 336 hours (roughly), I will be packing my stuff into Beth's car, packing myself along with 3 of the finest ladies I've ever known, and embarking on a hopefully, life-experiencing road trip. Our first stop (with the exceptions of bathroom breaks and gas fill ups :P) will be Arizona. Lately, I've been finding myself more and more homesick for a breath of desert air. I'm antsy to see mountains, sunshine, and 80+ degree weather...fingers crossed on the weather.

I couldn't be more happier than going with who I am. At the end of the summer all 3 ladies will be moving away, continuing their lives elsewhere. It's kind of like a 'one last party' thing for me. All in all I just can't wait.

I mean, who wouldn't want to spend a week, road tripping, stopping in Arizona, and then going to California for 3 days at a music festival?

F.y.i

2010-03-20T08:47:00.000-05:00

I won't ever let you get the best of me again.
Change.
Prove it.

I'm a much a stronger person since 2010 rolled in. I like where I'm at. After a conversation at work about my life in particular (brought up by the other person, not myself) and being slightly annoyed by the co-workers perception, I know that they were wrong. I'm going places. I have walls up for a reason. I won't ever trust a person the way I trusted before. It's unfortunate to others but a strategic move on my part.

2010-03-13T02:28:00.001-06:00

Sometimes I dislike how so much can happen in 5 minutes at work.I cant even get a second to breath sometimes.

Well, this changes everything.

2010-03-04T11:26:00.000-06:00

Hello anxiety. I haven't felt you in a while.

New news is not always good news and this time I need an escape plan.
I won't share, I won't assimilate in the general opinion, and I certainly won't allow it. Even if it means running away.

Purge

2010-02-21T16:35:00.000-06:00

I am bitter. I am angry. I find myself unable to let go of these grudges. Fuck you, specifically. You are a liar, a screwed up, psychotic cunt. A social ladder rung climber.

Bitch.

Lost...

2010-02-18T11:17:00.000-06:00

Why are you so addicting?!

I think it has something to do with the flashbacks/fowards in the entire show.

I'm midway through season 5 and it's just getting more and more crazy.